Thursday Thought of the Day ~ Keep Calm Yeah Whatever!

It is so hard to know how to feel during all this.
This Pandemic. COVID-19. The novel coronavirus, or 'rona as I saw in one funny meme on the internet.

What a strange time. But that really doesn't describe it with any justice. It is so hard to put in to words. And by the time I try to get something down to describe it, the mood swings swiftly in the opposite direction.

I have really been struggling with such swinging emotions, feelings that change from perfectly calm and settled to extreme panic, fear. Then being okay, then worrying. Then active and feeling healthy to lazy and feeling like doing nothing, while having a Kit Kat, then so happy to be in a safe place to going stir crazy. From wanting to laugh to wanting to scream.

So in today's Thursday Thought of the Day, there is no one thought. It is all thoughts, ever changing.

I mean, how do you process going to the bank these days? Last week, the last time I went in to a bank, there was maybe a new hand sanitizer in the lobby but you walked in and did your business.
But this week?

waiting in line at bank, Monday

I had to wait outside in a line where people were respectfully distancing themselves.

Then when I got to the door, I still had to wait until the security guard let me in, where he followed me to the hand sanitizer suggesting I please use it, and then go stand over there. So I did, then he yelled 'no, by the chairs, not there'. So I was told exactly where I had to stand to wait, far in the back, until the 2 people ahead of me moved and were at the tellers. Who were all spaced a safe distance apart. I then had to use the ATM, (well, it is cheaper for me to use the atm than the teller, I was in line for the teller for work.....so for me, I use the atm.....yes ever frugal I am) and the thought of putting my hands on the public machine was terrifying. More hand sanitizer please. I used it 3 times when I was in the bank.

Pharmacies were only letting 10 in at a time, and before you were allowed in they sprayed something on your hands. Could have been water or some poisonous concoction,  I don't know what it was, but I gladly rubbed my hands together and went in to get a thermometer. I had been to 4 other stores to find one, this was the only place that had any. This was nuts!

Yes, we didn't have one at home, I am not not entirely sure what happened to the ones we used to have. My kids grew up and the need for one just was down the list. We didn't have one, and suddenly we had to have one just in case one of us felt like we had a fever and we had to know for sure if it was one and then potentially measure it for days.

Because, what if somehow we got the virus? I was working, daughter was working, we were going to the stores, bank, pharmacy, we were exposed.
What if it got on us? Because who really can NOT touch their face, I mean seriously.....it is hard.

I was so tense my back hurt by the end of the day, the tension in my shoulders painful.
And it was just Monday.

Then Tuesday, after settling in to remote working, thinking yeah I can do this......a curfew was announced. Great, well no problem really we don't go anywhere at night really, unless we order food. Crap we would have to order early then. So that feeling of being forced in to some meal time was very disconcerting. Even if I could cook at home, the rule was there. There was a rule, punishment if you were caught out past curfew.

Then, not even a full day after the initial curfew, Wednesday afternoon, a 24 hour a day curfew started at 7 p.m. that night!
I thought it wasn't happening right away when I first heard it, thought they were bracing us for something they were thinking of in the future. But NOPE. Starting in 4 hours there was to be a 24 hour a day curfew until Saturday at 5 a.m. WTF? Really? What the f#$% is going on where I can't leave my house!! Madness!

Perhaps you can't imagine what it feels like to be told you cannot leave your house or yard for 58 hours. There is something different about suggesting self isolation and possible prison for leaving your house.

I can tell you hearing the news starts with a primal panic. Then moves to a fear of the world in chaos, especially at the stores until 7pm. Because that is the first thing you think of when hearing you will not be allowed out for 58 hours. Seriously there will be a mad dash to the store! How does that help distancing?

Then there was the rationalization that we will be fine, didn't need to rush to the store....or DID WE?
I got dressed thinking I would go. Then decided no, it was not necessary. Or should I??

I even put on the same clothes I had worn the previous day....yoga pants and a sleeveless shirt I would usually never wear out and about.....the thinking of wearing already worn clothes being I would have to immediately strip and wash the clothes after being near other people who may have, or may not have, been exposed to the virus but we weren't taking any chances. So wear already dirty clothes. And hop in shower as soon as you get home.

Can you see how ridiculous this thinking is this, how the world has just instantly changed??

Finally it was decided we could live without milk for a few days, but maybe we should go ahead and order Chinese food and then enjoy the leftovers then next day, so a couple meals will be handled.
But that meant going to get it. Delivery you ask, well yes but that would mean a stranger showing up at the house and that is a whole other bunch of tensions and stress, not to mention the extra cost that would be. We never choose delivery. (see frugal above)

But the fear of going inside a small Chinese food place...well I would be careful. Have hand sanitizer, will travel. And maybe hold my breath.

We Open!

Then we drove up, and lo and behold they were prepared! Wow, I was so relieved, I was nearly laughing.

Open at take-out window only

Didn't have to go inside at all! They made their closet window a take-out window! Brilliant! I felt like a crazy person so excited that there was a take-out window.

A Take-out Window! 

But wait, there were other people....aww crap. And there was one guy who used his knuckles to hit the buttons on the card reader to put in his password. I watched from more than 6 feet away. Which reminded me that I had to be careful over the frikin pass-code buttons on the machine. Had to dig out my hand sanitizer.

Other people had the same idea we did...get your Chinese food before the 58 hour curfew.

After waiting somewhat patiently, it was my turn. Thankfully my daughter rode along with me and was in the car, keeping me from totally losing it. She took the pics too, safely in the car. She didn't get out.

My turn, hands full of phone wallet and hand sanitizer.

What a truly strange time we are in right now. I can't even find a better word to describe it.
It took me days to get the gumption to write about it because it is so scary, and my spectrum of emotions are tough to get a hold of. By the time I start writing the mood shifts and I have lost the way to try to describe them.

Strange, surreal, scary, wow I just came up with three 'S' words not bad. Sadly no soothing 'S' words.
I keep using regularly my other favorite 'S' word....Shit.

But now I am heavily into my Kindle addiction. I found losing myself in a nice detective book series is a great way to put the worries of the world aside. I am just finished book 8 in the series. So back to reading I go for book 9....

I will take a break from the news, from venturing out into that crazy world, settle in here at home.

And prepare to tackle the stores on Saturday when the curfew is lifted. Yes, I will have to go then. I will experience the strange real world again. The new way of living, of being sprayed, being limited in what I can buy, in being told when to come in the store and where to stand, of being around other people, us all trying to buy the same things, of being suspicious of each other maybe being sick....

In these strange, surreal, and scary times it may just be best to truly keep calm....oh whatever.....