Sunday Musings
After a very active morning (a few weeks ago now...) - a 3 mile mostly walk with little jogs mixed in, 15 minute morning yoga routine, and a 30 minute yoga workshop (to help me step through Down Dog, which I can't do very well) - I sat there on my yoga mat deeply thinking. Thinking, "I am calm, it is a beautiful day really, and oh - a donut hole would be good!" and then I shared my desire for doughnut holes after all that good-for-me activity.
I was struck first that I wanted to share such a thing. With whom, exactly, do I want to share these accomplishments mixed with signs of weakness? Facebook?? Really???
No, not really. I realized. I have purged my Facebook friends to mostly real friends and famlily (even if it is distant cousins I haven't seen since I was a kid and friends of whom some I haven't seen since High School, and creative friends that I have not met in person but feel a closeness with via venues like Facebook {which initself is quite strange if you think about it too long}).
Then I thought perhaps I was looking for support for my good activites, someone to say 'well done!' or 'good for you' because I try to tell myself these things, but sometimes it is nice to hear it from others. I also could want someone to say it is okay that I want more doughnut holes.....even though I did have several yesterday and even a totally delicious Long John donut - yes the whole thing. (It was so good I actually smiled and said 'mmmmm' right outloud when I got to the middle yummy pudding doughnut chocolate sensation in my mouth - it is so, so good).
So by this time all these thoughts swirling around while on my yoga mat were getting a bit much. The FB friends versus real friends and being healthy and needing pats on back and such...why was I doing that? I was thinking tha is a tad pitiful, why do I need that? I was thinking in circles and thinking far too much.
But still, I was feeling pretty good about my Sunday accomplishments. I looked oustide to see the plants that are flourishing on the porch and the view of the ocean we have (between two buildings, but you take what you can get...), and I thought some more - Not too shabby really. Things could be, and have been, worse.
I think back to the days when the kids were little, and know I didn't sit and think all these things, or at least I don't remember doing so. I simply enjoyed. I simply lived. The deep thoughts and deep stresses were share with real people, close to me in my life, and certainly not on the internet to share. (okay, back then the internet was sort of new and we were all just getting used to it - yeah - I was having kids before the internet was the share everything it is now! And honestly so grateful for it looking back.) And here I am now sharing all my stupid musings online. It is strange how times have changed.
Though, I am dealing with a bunch of greedy a$$holes in the complex where we live, we have too much debt, and things are very stressful at work, things could be, and have been, worse. And why DO I want to share these things? Good question.
Therapy? boredom? Need for feedback? (I don't have a large social cirlce where I live these days, but not sure I really want that.....) If, back then, I had this outlet where I could write my musings the tough times we went through would have been easier to get through? I think not. I got through because of the real people in my life. The only thing that would have been better would be that I would have stayed in touch better with my friends and family that I moved over 1000 miles from.
In the end, I find those I share most things with on social media are really people I know. And having said that, I don't really share private stuff. Who really cares that want donut holes or wogged 3 miles? Probably no one. But I am proud of the wogging and feel a little guilty about the donuts. Writing this gets this internal struggle out in the open, and I can better see it for what it is. NO BIG FRIKIN DEAL!
I enjoy both, so F%&K IT. And that is about as deep as it gets when I do share.
It works for me, and really and truly that is all that matters. The more intimate things are shared in person, with those closest to me. THAT is how I can share the more generic 'life is pretty darn good' posts that I do, and how I can share the beauty that I see in my life. I have real people feedback, sounding boards, support, love, laughing, and happiness. If not for this real people stuff, I would have nothing to share.
So, it took me 3 weeks to get through this writing from when the actual musings started. But again, WHO cares? The moral of the story is:
It's all good.
I was struck first that I wanted to share such a thing. With whom, exactly, do I want to share these accomplishments mixed with signs of weakness? Facebook?? Really???
No, not really. I realized. I have purged my Facebook friends to mostly real friends and famlily (even if it is distant cousins I haven't seen since I was a kid and friends of whom some I haven't seen since High School, and creative friends that I have not met in person but feel a closeness with via venues like Facebook {which initself is quite strange if you think about it too long}).
Then I thought perhaps I was looking for support for my good activites, someone to say 'well done!' or 'good for you' because I try to tell myself these things, but sometimes it is nice to hear it from others. I also could want someone to say it is okay that I want more doughnut holes.....even though I did have several yesterday and even a totally delicious Long John donut - yes the whole thing. (It was so good I actually smiled and said 'mmmmm' right outloud when I got to the middle yummy pudding doughnut chocolate sensation in my mouth - it is so, so good).
So by this time all these thoughts swirling around while on my yoga mat were getting a bit much. The FB friends versus real friends and being healthy and needing pats on back and such...why was I doing that? I was thinking tha is a tad pitiful, why do I need that? I was thinking in circles and thinking far too much.
But still, I was feeling pretty good about my Sunday accomplishments. I looked oustide to see the plants that are flourishing on the porch and the view of the ocean we have (between two buildings, but you take what you can get...), and I thought some more - Not too shabby really. Things could be, and have been, worse.
I think back to the days when the kids were little, and know I didn't sit and think all these things, or at least I don't remember doing so. I simply enjoyed. I simply lived. The deep thoughts and deep stresses were share with real people, close to me in my life, and certainly not on the internet to share. (okay, back then the internet was sort of new and we were all just getting used to it - yeah - I was having kids before the internet was the share everything it is now! And honestly so grateful for it looking back.) And here I am now sharing all my stupid musings online. It is strange how times have changed.
Though, I am dealing with a bunch of greedy a$$holes in the complex where we live, we have too much debt, and things are very stressful at work, things could be, and have been, worse. And why DO I want to share these things? Good question.
Therapy? boredom? Need for feedback? (I don't have a large social cirlce where I live these days, but not sure I really want that.....) If, back then, I had this outlet where I could write my musings the tough times we went through would have been easier to get through? I think not. I got through because of the real people in my life. The only thing that would have been better would be that I would have stayed in touch better with my friends and family that I moved over 1000 miles from.
In the end, I find those I share most things with on social media are really people I know. And having said that, I don't really share private stuff. Who really cares that want donut holes or wogged 3 miles? Probably no one. But I am proud of the wogging and feel a little guilty about the donuts. Writing this gets this internal struggle out in the open, and I can better see it for what it is. NO BIG FRIKIN DEAL!
I enjoy both, so F%&K IT. And that is about as deep as it gets when I do share.
It works for me, and really and truly that is all that matters. The more intimate things are shared in person, with those closest to me. THAT is how I can share the more generic 'life is pretty darn good' posts that I do, and how I can share the beauty that I see in my life. I have real people feedback, sounding boards, support, love, laughing, and happiness. If not for this real people stuff, I would have nothing to share.
So, it took me 3 weeks to get through this writing from when the actual musings started. But again, WHO cares? The moral of the story is:
the musings with the people close to you
make the life much better
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