Struggling to write lately, I found I have been going through a long list of emotions. I have tried, perhaps too hard, to find words of wisdom to share, funny stories to tell, sayings that mean something important. Each time I think I've got something, the feeling is fleeting, and I am on to another tangent. As I go back and forth, even today when I have a definite list of things to get done, I am sad, happy, stressed, appreciative, worried, hopeful, excited, afraid. Everything. Which means it is very tough to get through my list.
The problem, it is hard to put a term to it. Sometimes if I write it, search for inspiration, give my emotions a name, it eases them. But I cannot find a way to name all this! I found myself sitting in front of the computer wishing.... -Wishing I didn't have to go in today. -Wishing it wasn't month end already. -Wishing I could not stress. -Seeing the sun, after a morning of fog, and thinking to myself, what a beautiful day. -Thinking I should make Toekini's. -Thinking I should cut up the potatoes for dinner now so it is easier later. -Thinking I should wake everyone up and tell them I love them. -Knowing I should fill out that report. -Knowing I should go for a walk, I should balance the checkbook to make sure we can pay bills....
I was all over the place, feeling this, then feeling the direct opposite, then back again. So much so it had completely stalled me.
But once time had forced me to accomplish menial tasks, like showering, I began to think, 'well, just get through today, accomplish a few things, and you will be able to get through'.
I managed to make some blueberry-apple bread, the first time I tried it. It turned out to be the best, my favorite combination so far!
Through the kaleidoscope of emotions, came a wonderfully tasteful thing! The motions of my energies came together.
I ended up crossing off several things on my list that had been there for weeks. I even woke up off the couch tonight to finish this blog, which came much easier than it had been earlier in the day. Emotion IS energy, we just must turn that into MOTION. Are you more productive when faced with many things, many emotions? Or do you find they stall you?
Something about the duality, the interesting mental capabilities of these serial killers is strangely fascinating. The old interest in psychology I just can't shake.
Are there any other Dexter fans out there? Any other fans of the 'Dark Passenger'?
Me? I am hoping Dexter can be happy, but can he be without that darkness? Can one exist without the other? Can there be a Yang without the Yin? A question that perhaps will be answered this season. Who is watching with me?
In honor of all the brides and grooms getting down on the dancefloor, I say to you.....
Young Man.....There's no need to feel down.... You can get yourself clean.....You can have a good meal.........
It's fun to stay at the......
Yes, I am doing the arm motions!! Oh boy I forgot how fun this song IS! Turn up your speakers and join in!!!
Everywhere I turn, talk is of weddings. I even have been a mini part of planning one (which I am thrilled about) (insert shameless plug here....) I got to make Toekini's for a wedding party!
They turned out beautiful, which I am so happy about. I only wish I could be there to see them on the bride and her party.
If you are like me, and won't be attending any weddings this year, join me in playing this classic wedding reception favorite. Re-play it, and enjoy the real live Village People singing right along, dancing, and looking, well, like they are village people. (?)
Many a night, I sit on the couch relaxing when everyone else in my family is bored with my TV shows, and finally I give in and say 'Go ahead and play your video games'.
I sit and watch usually, sometimes I just go on the computer, or go to bed. But last night, I decided that I wanted to play!!! (probably being off work for 3 days in a row helped me relax enough to do this....) Thus, I learned how to play Black Ops 2 last night.
I have tried before, taken the controller when someone had to get up briefly for some reason, bathroom, to get a drink, etc. I failed miserably most of the time. I would wander around, looking at the sky or ground most of the time, walk into walls, get stuck in a bush, etc. And shoot somebody at the same time? Ha, forget it! I shot the wall, bush, or sky.
Last night I decided I was going to play with them, and learn dammit! They were so patient, walking me through each step, teaching me how to do it. I would follow my hubby around, practicing jumping, and running. I followed my son around and got a tour of the board. Meanwhile, my other two kids were playing the same board, playing hide and seek. Whoever found the other and shot them won. I finally started to get the hang of it and could shoot people! Yes, there is a strange satisfaction of shooting your hubby's character on screen, especially when he is tormenting your 'newbie' character. And we had a blast! We all laughed. I was laughing so hard at one point I had to hand over the controller to my son to continue, and we didn't tell hubby, and he got a surprise ambush!!
It was great! I didn't get everything done I needed to yesterday, but dang it feels good to play sometimes. Laughing together as a family - there is nothing better.
I am back at work today. I have a ton of work to do. But I do believe after dinner I am going to load up the game with my family, and we are going to all play again. I will probably need a good laugh, a good bit of shooting, and lots of great family time after a tough day of work. Maybe this weekend we will get the basketball out too...and play some one-on-one-on-five....
I forgot to play for a while, and didn't even realize what was missing! Don't forget to play.
I have today off. Well, I don't have to go into the shop today, so I am 'off work' today, even tho I have already checked work email, have a stack of expenses I am determined to enter into the system, and have to do much paperwork and emails. I do not have to go into the shop today!
So I just put on a tee I would never wear to work, some jeans that no doubt need washing. No shower, no primping. Strangely, I am very excited to be going to the grocery store with my youngest dirty, possible smelly, and just think about normal, not work stuff! I mentioned to hubby, "Not showering, just putting on this black tee, dirty jeans, and going to the store this way! How you like me now??" Boom this song is firmly in my head.
I like me now. I like me roughin' it. We gonna do some chores too. And get even dirtier.
Why, you ask, am I so excited about this? Because this is the first of 3 days in a row I don't have to go into the shop, and I am more than happy to not dress up, not shower, not have to greet and sell. I don't have to look nice, be nice to strangers, or worry about anything but getting bread and milk. How do you like that? How you like me now? You know what? I don't care. It is great to have a day that you don't have to impress anyone but your family, and hope they like what you cook for dinner.
I like it. I like me now. Just me, being me. Not the sales me, businesswoman me. Just me. Best Monday I have had in, well, a long time. How you like me now?
Under Pressure. The pressures of life, we feel them. We are either weighed down by them, crushed by them, or we grow stronger because of them.
This week, I have experienced pressure. Pressure from the obligations of life. Pressure I impose on myself. Pressure others put on me.
I have been weighed down, nearly crushed, but ultimately I have grown stronger, as I am still here, still going. The pressures don't have to get the best of us. And that is something we sometimes forget when we are feeling the pressure. We can let the pressure get the best of, but it is just as simple to overcome the pressure, and tackle each one as it appears.
I was imposing on myself the pressure to write, on top of the month end pressures the business requires, along with the housekeeping pressures that always exist, the time pressures that never let up, the creative pressures I long to take more time on. All with the self imposed disgust from not running in almost an entire month. Not even walking!
Well, it was easy taking some of the pressure off by just starting to write. I decided to take just 15 minutes and start. I also started to enforce time limits on my other tasks. Get as many chores done before 'X' time, spend 'X' time on learning Quickbooks, spend 'X' time and get at least one pair of Toekini's made.
And the pressure has eased. Plus, I remembered that humor is a vital part of getting through the day. To ease the pressure more, I realized I can fit each of my weekly series, of which I have done none of as yet this week, into this one post! Injected with a wee bit of humor, to ease the pressure even more.
Music Monday! Two for Tuesday - Under Pressure / Ice Ice Baby
Walking on Wednesday - Pressure - see text above.
Thought for Thursday - All the pressures of life can never hurt you unless you let it in.
Friday Find - Self imposed pressure is the most difficult one to deal with, but ultimately the most rewarding.
I got month end done, am keeping up with the housework (as best as I can), made 2 Toekini's this week, and got a whole week's worth of writing in right here! Next week I will get back to incorporating my walks, and maybe runs too, if I don't let it become a huge pressure.
We can handle pressure! We just can't let it the best of us.